Tuesday, May 6, 2014

Those Stinkin' Hormones

On Monday, I was the most impatient, angry person that walked the earth. When I feel like this it's usually because of hormones, but unfortunately even though I can correctly identify the cause, it doesn't make me able to control the situation any better.

Since I work in the home, I no longer subject office co-workers, architects, fellow servers, fellow actors, or directors to my surly wrath. Now it's my baby son, which is way, way worse. He needs to be nurtured and loved and made to feel safe. Instead, I become strict mommy who is extra mean when he does something he shouldn't be. Come to think of it, I guess I did this to my architects too. ;) (The Perrier Incident of 2010 comes to mind)

It has been a real test of strength and character, because I love him so much. I would rather be here with him, helping him grow into the best person he can be than receiving accolades as an actor, or tying my worth to a paycheck like I used to. This may be the hardest thing I have ever undertaken because I have never loved a job so much I would die for it, kill for it, or throw myself in front of a speeding truck for it. Nothing has ever been this important to me.

This is what I think about when I'm a raging, hormonal beast of a woman, and you know what? It really helps me. Yes, sometimes I feel like I would rather shoot myself in the head than sing the Itsy Bitsy Spider for the 75th time in 24 hours, or want to strangle Noah when he repeatedly tips the stroller to the ground to make a loud banging sound, but the storm can go as quickly as it came. In a split second, I could have a very sweet little boy who loves to give Momie kisses and make me laugh with his silly dance moves.

Hardest and most fulfilling thing I have ever done.

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