Monday, November 14, 2016

Whirlwind Wilsons

You guys, it's been insane over here. A little while back we were told that we had to move out of our current apartment, which was a bit shocking, yet honestly wasn't the worst news because we've been wanting to move for some time now. The timing, however, is less than ideal, what with Brendan working (almost literally) 24/7 on his video game launching next month. How on earth does one mama search for a place to live with two young kids in tow? Well, guess what? We found a place and we move in next week. How on earth does one mama pack up a home with two kids running around like lunatics?!

It doesn't matter how because it has to happen, panic and stress attacks be damned. We actually got a bunch of packing/purging/organizing done today while Small Human was on a play date (that my amazing friend suggested and offered to host, so we could do this), and while Smallest Human had an epic nap. Brendan and I are not in the least bit pack rats, and yet it still feels like we have so much stuff!

We're excited and nervous for this new chapter in our lives, and it'll be great to finally have room for everyone. There'll be an office, a play room, even a guest bedroom, and Noah's favourite: a small, fenced in backyard. I know it's going to be great, but packing up all your things is sucky and stressful. Then there is the saying good bye part. We've made a lot of good memories here, but it's finally time to move on.




Sunday, October 30, 2016

Happy Halloween!

Alright, never in my life have I been that into Halloween. Maybe it's because I grew up in Montreal, where there wasn't a single night of trick or treating that I didn't have to cover my costume up with a giant winter coat (The 80s were a cold decade). Halloween was never like it was in E.T., where kids would wander the streets in full costume glory, comfortably, without having a parent drive alongside you so you could pop into the minivan to warm up (Yes, that happens).

Then I had kids. Small Human is ALL about fall and jacket weather, rain boots, and pretty changing leaves, and is super into Halloween. His favourite words are spooky and creepy. On top of that, I ended up having a second baby, born in October, which was a total game changer. So now I am all about Halloween, y'all. It also helps that our neighborhood has the absolute, coolest, most jaw dropping family trick or treating I have ever seen. It's straight out of some idyllic family Halloween movie, and the best part is that isn't cold.

As you may have read from a previous blog post, my boy had just had a bout of the stomach flu and had to stay home from school on Thursday, then sadly had to miss a pumpkin decorating play date on Friday, and also missed a cool birthday party at the pumpkin patch/animal petting farm on Saturday. Since he was finally feeling better, I thought I would indulge him in some cupcake making. His Auntie Eliza was sweet enough to drop off a pumpkin and pumpkin decorating kit and fun crafts, so we were still able to have fun without infecting the world.

This was my first time letting him help me bake in the kitchen if you can believe it, because Momie is a control freak. He was surprisingly really good and helpful, I was pretty impressed! I'm just so glad he's feeling better. Have a safe and fun All Hallow's Eve!

Super Momie and Super Spook


Dumping the Pilsbury cake mix

Elias wanted to see too

He was so good!

He turned the mixer on high accidentally but it wasn't too bad

Haha Elias' face in the background!
Spying on the cupcakes

My two loves, about to duke it out over this cupcake. :P

The purple was Noah's colour of choice. We had Snoopy cupcake liners too!

Thursday, October 27, 2016

My Apologies

This has been a really challenging year for us. I always like to try to keep things real, so you'll see no fake happiness, no overly saccharine proclamations of love, and no pictures of our family's perfect Sunday pancake brunch each week. However, my intention was never to make this a mommy blog meant to scare people away from parenthood, I only wanted to be genuine! Anyway, that was my long-winded way of saying: I'm sorry I'm so whiny all the time.

I love my life, I'm just really tired. If I could have a housekeeper, chef, and nanny, with weekly scheduled date nights with my husband, perhaps my life would be easier, but I'm proud of what we accomplish, just us two. Today though, I could've really used a household staff forreals.

Small Human scared the living daylights out of me while I was working out last night. He is my child who never wakes up, naps like a champion, and has been sleeping through the night since he was 6 months old. He had a mild fever, and refused to go back to sleep in his bed, only on the couch.

This morning we were awakened by his usual, heavy little footsteps, cries for daddy, and then the telltale, horrifying, gurgling cough of a toddler puking in our bedroom, and proclaiming that he had already puked in the living room. Good morning to us!

The rest of the day was spent trying to get him to barf in the barf bucket (and refusing to, preferring to vomit on the carpet), me accidentally feeding my sick son rancid crackers that only made him puke some more, and mopping up and disinfecting for what felt like hours and hours nonstop. All the while, trying to keep the little babiest human happy and occupied, and preventing him from crawling all over the hazmat spots in the house, and then looking away for a second and looking back to find him popping rabbit poop into his mouth. Poop, he will eat poop but not the damn organic baby snacks that I buy him from the grocery store where they sell edible food for people.

It's now a quarter to midnight, and I have a febrile little boy sleeping next to me on the kitchen floor as I write this blog post, because I don't have the heart to go to my comfy bed and leave him out here alone. I wonder if he'll remember this one day. Gotta go take his temp for the thousandth time. May you all be healthy and well!

Tuesday, October 25, 2016

You're Not a Failure, You're Doing a Great Job

Sometimes I feel like a complete and utter failure as a mother. I'm not fishing for compliments or looking for reassurance, I'm just putting it out there. There are some days where I think I just suck, and you know what? That's ok. I know you all probably think you royally suck too, sometimes.

There is a lot of pressure nowadays as a parent. You're either too much of a Perfect Pinterest mom that everyone else hates; or you're the antisocial mom who is uncomfortable with play dates; you may be too stressed about your parenting choices and feeling judged all the damn time; or generally feeling like nothing is going the way you thought things would or should go. And there seems to be a lot of really annoying, unsolicited advice all the time too.

I know I'm feeling this way because I need to sleep, and because I need a babysitter (what's new??). Life is challenging right now, raising two kids, one of whom doesn't know how to sleep, and with a husband who works as hard as he does for us, often at work until past midnight. It's tough, but you just keep going, and to keep sane you have to take a step back and look at all the things you are doing right too.

Things I'm Doing Ok At:

  • my small humans are alive, healthy, clean, warm, and fed
  • I was able to fix the loose toilet seat in my bathroom by myself

How Can I Add Joy To My Life?:

  • treat myself to a Big Mac with extra sauce
  • when I feel like yelling at my kids, close my eyes and take a deep yoga breath and count to 10, because it always feels awful to yell at my beautiful children
  • take a moment to write a blog post

My lower back muscles are spasming right now, but I need to get back to mom life before my house gets destroyed by Typhoon Noah and Hurricane Elias. You're not a failure, you're doing a great job.

Tuesday, August 23, 2016

Fresh Perspective

There's really nothing better than getting some time away from your children when you're a stay at home parent. Small Human is in summer camp five days a week, for just four hours a day, but it honestly helps me to recharge and allows me to see things with fresh eyes. I discovered some green paint caked into the links of my watch, and instead of being annoyed or stressed out about it, I thought, "Awww, this was from the other day when I lifted Noah into the car and he was covered in fresh green paint from one of his camp projects!" A very different reaction from the day of, when he smeared green paint all over my white car and its tan interior. I was not a happy mommy

Then this afternoon, for the first time in a very stressful and hectic couple of weeks, I finally just breathed a huge sigh of relief. Tidbit, my rabbit of 8 years is on the mend from her annual shedding/digestive troubles; both my boys are napping; I'm showered, fed, and caffeinated, and I feel, dare I say it, happy.

I adore my family, but in order to keep my sanity, I need a break. A reprieve from the whining and the crying, the nursing and the feeding; a break from being touched all day, every day, and from the constant questions and never ending needs. Don't get me wrong, the stress hasn't been erased and there is always some new stressor on the horizon, but it's now a little bit more manageable today. Sometimes, a girl just needs to think about something fun and vapid like what toenail polish she wants to put on her toes next, ya know?

Oftentimes, I wish that what I did was more valued by society. I work just as hard as people in the workforce, but being a mother and only a mother is seen as giving up on a career, giving up on one's life, or not contributing. I have no regrets whatsoever, and I can't single-handedly change the world, so I'm just going to take it one day at a time.

Friday, July 22, 2016

My Mom Bod and Keeping Healthy

This is a bit of a terrifying blog post for me to write, because it's about my body, and I find that women's bodies on the internet are such a source of contention. So much shaming goes on that I'm almost confused when I meet someone who isn't self deprecating or completely insecure.

Since becoming a mother, I have been unhappy with my body. I loved being pregnant both times, but both times I also gained more weight than the randomly allotted 25 lbs you're "supposed" to gain during pregnancy. It is sad that so many mothers feel this way when we have just done something truly miraculous with our bodies. A life was created, grown, and brought into the world through these bodies that we love to bash and criticize. Why aren't we more proud of ourselves?

I was tired of feeling tired and unhappy, so I decided to start exercising again. I haven't done much in terms of dieting because I love to eat and I love to eat a lot, but I have been eating more greens and trying to eat less fast food (but I still love my occasional Big Macs). Honestly, I don't have a whole lot of time to exercise, but I try to get 20 - 30 minutes a day in of something, whether it's cycling, yoga, pilates, or some random squats, planks, push-ups, and dips. The important thing for me is to get my body moving. I don't measure my heart rate, I just measure whether or not I'm sweating and breathing hard!

Back at the end of March, I purchased a Fitbit, to help me track my steps in a day and encourage/entice/force me to get moving. Sometimes it really isn't easy, especially since my 9 month old only just started sleeping through the night this week. So if I can do it, anyone can.

When I started to exercise again at the end of March I was 135 lbs, and now I am 117 lbs. It doesn't sound like much, but keep in mind that I'm just barely 5'3". Anyway, the point wasn't to lose a ton of weight, the point was to feel confident in my own body again, and to feel healthier and happier, and I am. One of my dearest mom friends told me that in order to make something a part of your life, you have to turn it into a habit, which takes 21 days. If you think this might be something you want to try, challenge yourself and do something good for yourself for 21 days, it couldn't hurt to try right?

This is so scary for me, but here is a before and after pic. I took it to prove to myself that I succeeded, and so that I can finally shut my pie hole and stop bashing myself, because there is nothing to bash! This is me, this is my body. It carried my two sons, endured one labour, two c-sections, a miscarriage, has fully healed, and allows me to play, run after, and take care of my family. And you know what? I am proud of it.

I hope you all have a lovely weekend, friends. xoxo
Progress over 3 months

Tuesday, May 31, 2016

It's Tough Right Now

Life is kind of tough for me right now. I'm giving all of me, everything I have to give. I'm tired from not sleeping, gross from not showering as much as I'd like, and not getting to wash my bed sheets as often as I want to. I'm exhausted from trying my best to answer 300 questions a day from my eager to learn, very precocious toddler; I'm tired of being everything to the little baby, who cries like a banshee when momie's not holding him. There is always a drink to get somebody, food that is needed by someone, a mess to clean up, a butt to wipe, laundry to attend to, much needed supplies to refill, and you know, somehow taking care of my own basic human needs too.

There is really nothing I can do but keep trudging on, keep on going until I can get even the tiniest break. Whether it's hiding in the bathroom for 5 minutes, or getting to exercise while one or both of the boys are asleep, it's so necessary for me to keep sane and help me recharge.

Life could be completely different though. When the little baby is not sleeping through the night and crying non stop because of his teeth, I have to remind myself that this may not even have happened at all. For a brief but heartbreaking moment, I thought I wouldn't be able to have this all again, and it was something I wanted so desperately. I'm so very grateful to have had the ability to do this again!

I try to remember, when I've had enough and I want to rip all my (greasy) hair out because I'm being touched by tiny people all day, getting frustrated by nobody listening to me, and when I'm being prevented from resting like a normal human being overnight, that this will one day all end. One day, no one will ask me the best and funniest questions because they are trying to figure life out; no one will cry because I'm not in view; no one will think that my hug and kiss are all that is required to make them feel better. They'll be able to get their own food, wash their own, no longer little bodies, even take themselves to school, and I can guarantee you (because I know myself) that I will miss it and ache for it! It's a difficult thing to remember when you're right in the thick of the sleepless nights, and trying to meet the needs of small humans all day long.

So if you're wondering where I've been, that is where. We still have great fun too, of course! But it's definitely the hardest I have ever worked and I often feel brain dead. I look forward to reading this again in the future and laughing it off, but for now, it's my little moment of catharsis. Thanks for sharing in this moment with me.