Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Being a Good Person

I want to be a good person so that I can show my son how to be one. Don't get me wrong, I don't think I'm inherently bad, but I want to be the best kind of person that I can be for myself and for Noah. Let me explain:

Those of you who know me, know that I am pretty feisty and I'm passionate too, which means I end up loving but also hating with all of my being. In fact, the more I care for you the more passionate I am about it. Just know that even though I would die, I would volunteer as tribute for all my loved ones. (Hunger Games reference for those who don't know what I'm talking about)

It's so easy to be kind and patient when you're dealing with other kind, patient people but it's not always the case. People can be liars, or have insecurities, they can have hormonal imbalances, or heavy burdens on their hearts. This is when I feel challenged in the Good Person area of my life. I somehow get it in my mind that I have to "fix" everything by being some kind of behaviour vigilante. I want to call out the liars, I want to tell people off who are being unfair or unkind, and I do.

I find it the most difficult thing in the world to take a step back, realize that other people are dealing with things too, and behave like a mature, centered person. What I do instead is often attack viciously, or cut people off completely. In the moment, I consciously choose not to be the bigger person if you can believe it.

When people make me angry, I do what most people do, I blame the other person. The thing is, you can't control other people but you can control your own thoughts and actions, even if it may be with great difficulty. It sounds sooooo simple, but it's a real struggle for me.

I've witnessed people blow up over nearly nothing and I don't want to be like that. It makes life hard and complicated for everybody involved. The best lesson I can teach my son is to stay true to his principles and never lie, don't be a push over, but don't be quick to anger, and be understanding and kind to everyone. He won't learn this unless he sees it in his parents, so this is what I am going to do. He's the only person who could give me the courage to have a Cesarean section and now the courage to change my angry ways. That just proves that love is more powerful than hate. 

3 comments:

  1. I have to ask - is this the reason you deleted me off Facebook a couple years back? Did I make you angry in some way? I no longer have a Facebook account, so it's not as though I'm feeling the loss keenly, but I've always been curious (and in truth, offended) as to what prompted that decision.

    Truly,

    -MDG

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    1. Oh Matthew, I'm truly sorry to have offended you. I was pregnant when I had my Facebook mass deletion and really hormonal and emotional. I ended up removing everyone I didn't talk to on a regular basis because I figured, what's the point, if we don't communicate here? What triggered it was some old friends who hadn't even congratulated me on my pregnancy when I went out of my way to send them presents in Montreal when they had their baby.

      I felt that you and I were more email and in person types of people than fb people in terms of communicating. I realized afterwards that it was pretty selfish on my part, because I didn't see it from the point of view of the friends I had deleted. I have a feeling Greg felt the same way as you did, and I really didn't mean for it to be a hurtful thing or some kind of message I was sending passive aggressively.

      Anyway, I'm glad you told me, I wish you would've sooner. You are my second favourite Irish Italian boy. I don't need Facebook for that to be real. <3

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    2. That was a very gracious apology that I'm very happy to accept. Thank you.

      -MDG

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