Tuesday, May 5, 2015

Sneaky Duchess of Cambridge

So many people hate hearing news about the British monarchy, but it's just silly and fun, so what's the harm? As you all know, the Duchess gave birth to her second baby over the weekend, or in Royal Town Crier speak, "was safely delivered of a daughter". That's all fine and wonderful, but I really was not expecting Kate to emerge from the hospital in a white and yellow dress, heels, and very literally looking as fresh as a daisy ten hours after giving birth.

Labour was the most difficult thing I have ever experienced. After Small Human arrived, I was delirious, swollen, achy and felt like I could sleep for a hundred years. Even after three days, I basically looked like Filipino Danny DeVito, and could barely walk around in my giant, ugly Ugg boots, let alone high heels. I waddled home from the hospital in yoga pants, a maternity shirt (that still fit me perfectly, btw), and Uggs. I suppose it would have been very different if the world was waiting to see me, but I think it would've boosted morale to see me as a real woman, and not some lovely ethereal being that sneezed out an 8 pound baby and most of her pregnancy weight in one shot.

Anyway, I'm going to take this as a challenge, Middleton. This October, I'm bringing you down! Challenge accepted. Now, who wants to be part of my Seattle beautification team? :P

Seriously?!

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