Thursday, December 17, 2015

The Game of Motherhood

I'm pretty certain that if motherhood were a game, I won the special, seasoned mom superstar badge this morning. I think I also won the badge for "Disgusting Situations One Must Rise Above". Your interest must surely be piqued by now.

My Smallest Human, who is exclusively breastfed, has not pooped in a couple days, which I hear is totally normal for breastfed babies around two months old. Since I've already successfully not killed one baby who is almost three years old, I wasn't too worried about the state of the little one's bowel movements. The second kid always benefits from (slightly) less stressed out parents who have just recently been through it once before.

This morning, after a nice, long sleep-in session, I changed the baby's diaper. He was so happy, and giggling and gurgling like nobody's business! So cute right? Once again, his tiny diaper was only wet, still no poop, -that is until I lifted his little legs up and slid a fresh diaper underneath him. The timing and angle were just right and he pooped right in my face. Thick, yellow, mustard-y, infant poop was all over my face, hair and pajamas.

I managed not to freak out and cleaned myself off quickly with a couple wipes so I could return to the poop culprit. I'm not even kidding you, every time I lifted up his legs to clean him, poop squeezed out. Soooo much poop. His butt looked like some horrifying pastry bag with tons and tons of yellow feces coming out non stop. This tiny person managed to fill four diapers before he was finally done. FOUR. Then of course, like any no longer constipated person would, he laughed and gave me a happy little wiggle.

After that, I was greeted by my toddler who proclaimed that he had an accident and handed me a pee filled pair of tiny underwear. At least he has the capability to change into a fresh pair. So that was my morning, how was yours?

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