Tuesday, April 26, 2016

Relaxing Shower?

Last night after dinner and before the boys' bedtime, I decided to take a shower. Brendan was still en route from Boston to Seattle at that point, so it was just me and the small humans. I've been working out and sweating more, so I just wanted to get showering out of the way early without risking waking one or both of them up later since our place is pretty small.

If you've ever wondered what it's like to attempt a shower with a toddler and a baby, it goes something like this:

  • Turn on The Incredibles so Noah will be distracted. It works for about two peaceful minutes
  • Elias starts to whine, so I sing You are my Sunshine from inside the shower, on loop
  • Noah barges in and asks me 75,000 questions like, "Why is water wet?" and "Mommy, where is your penis?"
  • Then the toddler announces he has to poop, and that "it's gonna be a stinky one" (he was right)
  • The baby starts screaming. My baby is the loudest screamer I have ever encountered in my life. It is seriously unreal and deafening, so you can imagine how pleasant this was in a tiny enclosed space
  • While Elias screams, Noah starts to freak out about how his butt is itchy and also starts screaming
  • OMG I JUST WANTED TO TAKE A SHOWER
  • I have to quickly finish up to calm the screaming baby and clean the little boy's butt, and have been instructed by my bossy boy to "dry off completely so you don't get water all over me". 

That, ladies and gentlemen, is how you take a shower with a baby and a toddler. It's 0% relaxing, 50% kinda stressful, 50% necessary only if you're absolutely crazy.

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