Tuesday, May 31, 2016

It's Tough Right Now

Life is kind of tough for me right now. I'm giving all of me, everything I have to give. I'm tired from not sleeping, gross from not showering as much as I'd like, and not getting to wash my bed sheets as often as I want to. I'm exhausted from trying my best to answer 300 questions a day from my eager to learn, very precocious toddler; I'm tired of being everything to the little baby, who cries like a banshee when momie's not holding him. There is always a drink to get somebody, food that is needed by someone, a mess to clean up, a butt to wipe, laundry to attend to, much needed supplies to refill, and you know, somehow taking care of my own basic human needs too.

There is really nothing I can do but keep trudging on, keep on going until I can get even the tiniest break. Whether it's hiding in the bathroom for 5 minutes, or getting to exercise while one or both of the boys are asleep, it's so necessary for me to keep sane and help me recharge.

Life could be completely different though. When the little baby is not sleeping through the night and crying non stop because of his teeth, I have to remind myself that this may not even have happened at all. For a brief but heartbreaking moment, I thought I wouldn't be able to have this all again, and it was something I wanted so desperately. I'm so very grateful to have had the ability to do this again!

I try to remember, when I've had enough and I want to rip all my (greasy) hair out because I'm being touched by tiny people all day, getting frustrated by nobody listening to me, and when I'm being prevented from resting like a normal human being overnight, that this will one day all end. One day, no one will ask me the best and funniest questions because they are trying to figure life out; no one will cry because I'm not in view; no one will think that my hug and kiss are all that is required to make them feel better. They'll be able to get their own food, wash their own, no longer little bodies, even take themselves to school, and I can guarantee you (because I know myself) that I will miss it and ache for it! It's a difficult thing to remember when you're right in the thick of the sleepless nights, and trying to meet the needs of small humans all day long.

So if you're wondering where I've been, that is where. We still have great fun too, of course! But it's definitely the hardest I have ever worked and I often feel brain dead. I look forward to reading this again in the future and laughing it off, but for now, it's my little moment of catharsis. Thanks for sharing in this moment with me.

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