Friday, February 12, 2016

Being Everything

In motherhood, I'm still in the early stages. I'm not quite the rookie mom with just a newborn, but I'm certainly not the mom soon facing an empty nest, with years and years of homework, tear wiping, door-slamming, and car pooling under her belt. I'm currently in a bit of a difficult part, the part where you don't ever seem to get enough sleep, and you're constantly needed if you're in the same room as your children. It's both taxing and rewarding at the same time.

My firstborn turned three years old last month. He no longer falls asleep on me for his nap. Actually, he hasn't for some time now because of my huge pregnant belly. I was told by several people that letting my boy sleep on me was a bad habit and that I shouldn't spoil him, it'll ruin his future sleep routine. I'm glad I didn't listen. I'm also glad I took 75 million pictures of us in that position, because I'll never have it with him again. That makes my heart hurt a tiny bit.

Just when I was coming to terms with releasing my first son from his babyhood, I find myself happily and thankfully neck deep in another baby's life. His need for me can feel all consuming, but this time, because I don't know if there will be another next time, I'm reveling in it. I put him to sleep on my shoulder just now, my giant four month old boy, two fistfuls of my hair in his little hands, not wanting to let me go. It made me so happy that I just wept and wept. They were tears of joy for still having the privilege of being the person who can give someone everything they need in this world, but wistful tears because I know now, how quickly it goes by.

A teacher of mine in college once told me that in order to live a full life, one should do one thing each day that scares you, because nothing worth doing was ever easy. He was right, motherhood is one of the scariest things I have ever undertaken. There are easier days and harder days, but I know that this is exactly where I am supposed to be right now.

Have a beautiful weekend folks. xoxo

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