Toddler Bed Chronicles

We transitioned Small Human to a toddler bed two weeks ago. We hadn't planned on even thinking about a toddler bed until he was at least two and a half, but he kept climbing out of his crib every morning. He of course thinks it's the best arrangement of life, but his dad and I would have to disagree with him. From this we have learned that our almost two year old is quite tall and can reach everything, which is bad for someone who doesn't quite understand right from wrong yet, and that he enjoys waking us up.

Here are a few of the ways in which we have been awoken by Small Human now that he is in a toddler bed:

• To someone saying, "Mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy" and then booped on the nose. Sometimes with a finger, sometimes with an iPhone, which hurts a lot.

• To someone closing our bedroom door and knocking like a solicitor that won't go away.

• Or to, "Daddy, daddy, dad, dad, dada, da-da-da-da-daddy, dad, dad".

• Or thinking I'm getting kisses but am really getting my face wiped with snot like I was a "shishue" (tissue).

The best one to date has been waking up to a rustling sound in the hallway near the kitchen, kinda like a raccoon had gotten in the house. Only it wasn't a raccoon it was our son, at 6 o'clock in the morning on a Saturday, rifling through the garbage and spilling our take-out sushi detritus all over the hall carpet, soy sauce and all. 6 o'clock in the morning and old sushi. OMG

The trade off is that we don't have to worry about Small Human breaking his neck climbing out of his crib every morning, so it's clearly worth it, it's just something we need to get used to. So now we put the baby gate on his door and let him wake us from down the hall in the safety of his bedroom. So far, so good.

Reluctantly letting me take his photo